I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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