# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
