hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
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He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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