In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
