So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
