i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
