would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
