K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
