I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
