She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can I color on your dick again?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
