We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
