I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
