I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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