i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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