she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
