how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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