Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
MIDGETS
????
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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