It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm both gender and math confused
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
