So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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