I need help removing her.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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