I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
