I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize