Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
