Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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