my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
