Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
