Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
