i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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