OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
