do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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