omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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