Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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