does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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