Kiss
Puke
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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