I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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