you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
