don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
