My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
