I am puke
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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