I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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