it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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