I want to have your abortion
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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