Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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