I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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