Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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