Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
