I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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