Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize