dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
