i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
