my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
