Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You made out with two different species that night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
