If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
