I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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