And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
