One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it glows. i had to have it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
