Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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