I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
