i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
