the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
