I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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