Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
