Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
