She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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