ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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