saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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